The the producers of Cbeebies program "Me Too" really think the line "I got so over excited again that I splashed it all over her sari" should ever appear in childrens TV?

Sir Digby "Jones" has been appointed minister of state for trade and investment, and as you can see he will have a massive budget to work with.

Finally sports chocolate!

Middlesbrough kept there change of logo pretty quite, which kinda defeats the object of changing it.

Oh come on!


It can't!!!!

12700 hits thats as many a the capacity of Brentford's Griffin Park!

Yeah I know it's still not impressive is it!

There are rumors that the LA Galaxy want Posh Spice Victoria Beckham to be a cheerleader for the team.

When they're paying her husband 1/2 a million a week she should only have one question!

Were do I get my pom-poms?

Mickey Quinn was on the radio today talking about the Henry transfer, and he came out with the piece of solid gold wisdom:

"16 million pounds might not seem like a lot of money, but remember in Europe thats over 20 million Euros"

The Lawn Tennis Association have announced that they will be using Hawkeye as a line judge at this years Wimbledon.

Well as long and you think you can keep him away from the golf course, out of the nurses tent, and off the homemade Martini's it should be fine. Just remember not to give him R and R in Tokyo is liable to go AWOL

When I originally stopped updating The Dubious Chymist and had a 15 month break there where only 140 post, so today marks the point were theres as many old as new posts.

Were often quick to poke fun at the Americans for being world champions in sports that only they and perhaps a token Canadian team play.

But it seems now that the Germans are at least as guilty.

6 teams compete in the NFL Europa American football league, five of which are German (Berlin Thunder, Cologne Centurions, Frankfurt Galaxy, Hamburg Sea Devils, and Rhine Fire) and one Dutch (Amsterdam Admirals).

The two best teams in the league then contest the "World Bowl".

Judging by the fact the the Admirals attendance or half of that the German teams get, and declining, pretty soon theres only going to be German teams.

My campaign to name and shame every time ITV fail to put one of my insomnia buddies on there late night quiz games, has worked.

The original and best insomnia buddy, and Queen of late night TV for insomniacs, the unemployed, and the unemployable, Alex Kramer is on Glitterball tonight!

After all that I'm pretty tired, I think I'm going to head to bed!

Gray Nevile has realised that he's england career is at a end but he's pushing a New Zealand passport application through and practicing the Haka.

Ten days ago I posted about an internet investment expert who advised people to buy shares in Canon Electronics Inc, at the time the share were worth $30.717

To be honest I did the post so that i could mock the expert when it went wrong, but the shares are now worth $32.640

That's over 6% return in ten days!

I don't want to play anymore!

I realise that these complaints should have been lodged 22 years ago when the program being made but better late than never:

1, The shows motto "Illusion is the ultimate weapon" well if you really believe that then why do you need more guns, missiles, and rockets than the Israeli army.

2, M.A.S.K. stands for Mobile Armored Strike "K"ommand - well thats just sloppy

3, V.E.N.O.M. stands for Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem are company full of evil genii bent on world domination really going to give themselves a name like that? in my experience there more likely to be called "Starbucks" or "Greggs"

4. And how come every one had one vehicle and Matt Tracker had 50? who does he think he is the Buley Motor museum?!?

Does this look like a man with an erection problem?


Well maybe not back then but I guess wear those tight Kevin Keeganesqe shorts all through the 1970's had an effect. Why else would the most famous footballer in the world be advertising help of men with erectile dysfunction.

I'd like to think that I have a large selection of swear words and expletives at my disposal, but I have to admit these swear would I found on a random message have completely stumped me.

S*****ly
N****rs
D**n
C***f
C*****ns

I'm pretty sure these words are just made up but if you do have any ideas, answers on a postcard please.

12573 hits that as many as the capacity of Oxford United Kassam Stadium the largest stadium in conference nation!

The mists of time have cleared and I can see into the future. I'm predicting disappointment for Tim Henman.

Just watch Wimbledon and see if I'm right.

ITV should be aware that I will name an shame any fake insomnia buddies.

Yiolanda Koppel is not an official insomnia buddy.

Has any else wondered how films made during the cold war would be remade today?

In the original Bond film The Living Daylights the Russians were the bad guys and the Mujahideen were the good guys. What would happen now?

It's all well and good trying to find a solution to the over crowded prisons, but answer me this;

If the prisons aren't over crowded then whose going to cheer Mr Bridger when we put one over on the Italians?

Democratic presidential nominee contender Barack Obama is running a slick campaign on his way to the white house.

High quality photos in front of capital hill, silky oratorical mastery, and even hip-hip versions of his speeches available to download as ring tones from his website.

An ocean away here in the UK, on his way to No. 10 Gordon Brown has perfected a Frank Spencer impression.

Apart from the odd diamond in the rough ABC1 is usually a happy hunting ground for Shitcom's

"The war at home" is a prime example, it's selling it's self on the old "dysfunctional family" tag line which only ever worked for the Simpson's. The Star of the show Teen Choice Award best actor 2005 nominee Micheal Rapaport looks like a reject for the part of Doggie Howser MD.

Gilles de Bilde can he fix it, Gilles de Bilde yes he can!

"It is the 16th Century. From all over Europe great ships sail West to conquer the New World - the Americas. The men eager to seek their fortune, to find new adventure in new lands. They long to cross uncharted seas and discover unknown countries, To find secret gold on a mountain trail high in the Andes. They dream of following the path of the setting sun, that leads to Eldorado, and the Mysterious Cities of Gold"


Now thats how children's TV should be, nothing adult here. Apart from of course 3 children who travel on the own from Spain to South America facing danger at every turn!

On reflection not great but I'll find something!

In the 1980's thanks to the "shake and vac" lady cheerful dancing vacuuming the carpet was sexy. But times change and vacuuming became a mundane boring task, that was until now!

Just look at the new Dyson it looks like the kind of gun the terminator would have. Thank you Dyson for letting us escape our quite humdrum existence.

I finally understand why Cat Woman could never seduce Batman.

All those tramps can't be wrong!

It's often said that the 1970's was the golden age of British comedy.

I would just like to remind you that the 1970's saw two on the buses movies!

"Shitcom The Movie" and "Shitcom The Movie II"

I there was a tolerance zone in Bradford, I think it should be on Dick Lane. Mainly because I'm puerile.

Wow that was quick I've already been told that the previous post is wrong.

So here's the retraction.

Forget that previous post it's just plan wrong, I'm sure one of the news websites will give you the correct story. Sorry.

I haven't been paying attention so if I get any of the details wrong then thats why.

From half heard conversations, the witting on toilet walls, and a huge helping of imagination, I've pieced together the following.

Apparently Teddy Sheringham was caught by a speed camera, driving over the legal limit.

Again apparently he got his friend Bobby Zamora to say that in fact it was him that was driving.

Now I don't know if this is true but you have to ask given that you where trying to say that the person in the picture wasn't you, wouldn't you get someone thats looks like you?

The Dubious Chymist has just had it's 12392 hit!

That's the same as the capacity of Southend United's Roots Hall Stadium. Okay your not impressed well just look at this photo!


Ah it's still not that impressive is it, in fact the stadium looks very small! Oh well.

So let me get this straight in pokemon if you train your "Bidoof" really well then eventually it will evolve into Phil Nevile, right?

Do you suffer from Anthropophobia - the fear of people.

If so why not get a season ticket for the Huddersfield Giants?

Yet again Children's TV has featured contain unsuitable for children.


Sophie suggested that they should have "the kind of fun that only two adults can have together" and Brian knocked her back.

Now I could understand our AC/DC hard rocking buddy turning her down, after all he probably has girls throwing their nickers at him all the time. Well actually thinking about it, it's been so long since AC/DC had a hit he probably gets old ladies throwing their support pants at him.

What I can't understand is how the Brian in the show could knock alien MILF Sophie back. For 2 reasons: 1) just look at him, he couldn't go better! and 2) Just look at Sophie's hair it's in the exact style worn by ever single alien that Captain Kirk slept with in Star Trek! How can he resist.

Welcome to what I hope will be a regular feature, Office monkey is here with helpful tips which will help you slide down the career ladder, and fast track you to you're P45.

Office monkey tip 1

Management types like to use there buzz words, it makes them feel important. Impress them by using as many of these world and phrases as you can. You get a one ever time you use one and bonus points are give for variety and using more than one in the same sentence.

"Synergy" - "At the end of the day" - "Solution" - "Metrics" - "Redeployed people" - "On the runway" - "Win-win" - "Value-added" - "Paradigm" - "Get on the same page" - "Customer-centric" - "Generation X" - "Accountability management" - "Core competency" - "Alignment" - "Incremental"

Don't just use them when talking to management, use them on customers, use them on colleagues, use them on the canteen staff, and use them when chatting up women.

From the makers of "The Apprentice" comes "Pirate Master".

I've worked out the twist at the end of this seasons Big Brother.

The European Space Agency (ESA) has advertised for six "Astronauts" to take part in an Earth based 520 day experiment.

The mission will simulate a Trip to Mars (right).

ESA mission commander Dr. Divina McCall said "You just wait they'll get down to the last 6 contestants. Big Brother will ask them to get into a confided space and then the fun begins."

"They think they've got it tough now just wait till they've been drinking there own recycled piss for 17 months!"

ooo I wonder if anyone have ever had sex during an ESA experiment before.

Well Would you?

I've just done a test of my "green IQ", which apparently is a measure of how ecco-friendly I'm supposed to be. I'm pretty sure that the "green IQ" test is not Mensa approved.

I got 9/10 (which equals Mother Earth Lover) which I feel like don't a big rant about how IQ's work an a score of 9/10 is completely meaningless but I'll live that for now.

Even though all the questions related to science rather than things like do you recycle? do you turn lights out? or do you care about global warming? My GCSE Geography came in handy finally and I got 9/10.

The whole things a joke I'm a Mother Earth lover dispute the fact that one of the least ecco-friendly people I know I don't so much have a Carbon foot print as a Carbon belly flop.

Oh by the way I'm disputing the one I got wrong. I selected false of ozone being "highly poisonous" when mixed with our atmosphere.

As well all know Dodgems create ozone and that smell at the fun fair is ozone. Look at the picture, look at all the people who've died on the dodgems, oh wait a minute there all alive! It's a miracle!!!

Leilani Munter drives for SS Racing in the NASCAR Elite division. She came third in sports illustrated hottest women in racing poll so she's not Munter - while she is but she's not.

"Big cook Little cook" gives me the chance to do two of my favorite rants. Big cook played by Steve Marsh (left) and Little cook played by Dan Wright (right) are also know as the comedy duo Electric Forecast.

Rant 1 - Kids TV is way to adult

On most episodes of "Big cook Little cook" Big cook will be whipping something cream, custard ect and it will inevitably splash all over Little cooks face, in a very pornographic way. Little cook with say something like:

"I'm covered in your sticky mess Big cook"


Rant 2 - Shitcoms

If there was ever a comedy duo who were destined to create a Shitcom it would be "Electric forecast", oh maybe they could make the British version of "Becker". Look at the publicly photo look at the craziness, and Shitcom they were in would be hilarious!

I was going to do a post with the 5 or ten "Jailbabes" I could find with the longest sentence to serve. But this young lady blow that idea out of the water!

Meet Sohia from Washington (although I'm guessing that really means Washington state penitentiary).

She's 24 and looking for someone "intellectual, diverse, secure, financially stable .... goal oriented, hard working....."

But here's the thing that makes her stand out from the crowd.

She's being in February, February 2044!!!!!!!

Yes you read that right as in 37 years from now! So she'll be out when she's 61!

I have know idea what she did, but I'm guessing it wasn't a petty crime.

She has to be the "Jailbabe" with the longest sentence on the net!

There's a good chance that we'll finally get an answer on the Tevez-gate question.

Personally I want Sheffield United to get re-instated into the premier league, partly because I believe that they have a valid argument but mostly because of the trouble it will cause.

- 21 team league
- Having to re-arrange all the premiership and championship fixtures
- Championship clubs having to refund part if the season ticket cost
- 4 team relegation from the premiership

Bring on the anarchy.

Although prime example of a shitcom is "Home to roost".

For some unknown reason, the son, played by Reece Dinsdale (Left) is forced to move back in with his father played by John "oh come on you were in the Sweeny do you you'll need the money that badly that you'd compromise your artistic integrity to do this drose" Thaw (right).