I like the Commonwealth games, it’s the Olympics, but without most of the counties that are actually any good at sport. Due to the lack of America, China, the former Soviet Union, most of Central/South America, and Asia, we might actually win some medals. Don’t start celebrating though, we still have to compete against South Africa and Australia so Gold and Silver medals are by no means a certainty and we will be left to fight over the Bronze medals with Canada.

England’s main hopes for a medal (not counting Paula “takes a piss during the races and always chokes when it counts anyway” Radcliffe) at Melbourne 2006 are Women’s gymnast Beth Tweddle, whose website boasts:

“For the last five years one British gymnast has dominated competitions both at home and abroad. 20-year-old Beth … competed at the European Championships, held in Greece . Placing 14 th AA”

Wow 14 th in Europe the Australian’s must be s*****g themselves.

Not only does the “Tweddster” lack any of the grace, poise, skill required to compete at an international level - while looking like she has been hit in the face with a shovel, she was not even born in England. Which raises the question if were going to import athletes, shouldn't we at least import good athletes?

Were constantly giving passports to second rate foreign sports starts, like Greg Rusedski, while letting people like Ryan Giggs who were born in England to go off and play for Wales. This wouldn’t happen in Qatar. What do they do if they are no good at an event? They pay someone to win it for them. Qutar were no good athletics but they wanted to win some gold medals at the World Athletics Championships enter Kenya’s top runner Stephen Cherono. A $1 Million pound golden hello, $1000 per week for life, and a name change to Saif Saeed Shaheen later and Qutar were celebrating their first Gold medal in the 3000 m Steeplechase.