For these Calculations I have assumed the following:

1. Muang Chiang, Thailand to Bradford, or Glasgow to Bradford.

2. In Scotland the average woman in their 20’s weighs 57.3 Kg (9 St) and is 162.0 cm (5 ft 3 in) tall. In Thailand the average woman in their 20’s weighs 47.6 Kg and is 152.0 cm tall.

Royal mail maximum weight by both Airmail and surface mail to Thailand is 2 Kg. Airmail would be quickest obviously but it would cost £20.35 per 2 Kg which for the average Thai woman works out at £484.33. This would of course assume that you were happy to reassemble your bride on arrival in the UK, although judging by how good people are at making IKEA furniture that challenge may be beyond the average British male. Having said that the cannibals among you may have found a cheap way to get frozen ready meals delivered to your door.

Ups will deliver your bride for £434.50 and it will only take 3 days but you would have to supply your own packaging.

BMI will fly your Scottish catalogue bride from Glasgow to Leeds Bradford airport for £129.30, and that price does not depend on her weight, bargain! Okay that isn’t delivery to your door but even if you paid for a taxi it would still be less than a third of the cost. Not only that but BMI would let you new life partner bring 20 Kg of luggage, that means the Scottish option comes with her own accessories, so less overheads for you.

Okay so now we know a Scottish catalogue bride costs less but how feasible is it? as with all the tough questions in life I asked Jeeves: “where can I find Scottish catalogue brides”

This is the point were I was going to say that you couldn’t get Scottish catalogue brides and make some sarcastic comments about women in the far east or eastern Europe wanting British passports, how wrong I was. Although some for the web sites brought up were catalogues for wedding items other were actually for Scottish catalogue brides, so I guess its not just about the passport.